


the fiction of love is the truth of our lies

by AwakeAndAliveSpartan



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Complete AU, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Hellfire! Ward, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29186229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwakeAndAliveSpartan/pseuds/AwakeAndAliveSpartan
Summary: Grant Ward and Skye were supposed to be the next heroes of SHIELD, but those dreams are dashed when Grant disappears in a training session gone wrong. Fifteen years later, Skye's a solo hero and has been unable to get over Grant's disappearance.But, who is the masked man that has been targeting SHIELD?
Relationships: Skye | Daisy Johnson/Grant Ward
Comments: 24
Kudos: 46





	1. a candle through time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning.

(1999)

The ground trembled slightly as Skye stared at Coulson, trying to process the words that had spilled out of his mouth. The photo frames on the walls of the office vibrated. “What?” she repeated, not able to process her head around the news. 

Coulson took a sharp breath, “The training facility that Grant was at for his routine tests was attacked by an unknown assailant.” he said once more. “We haven’t been able to scope out the extent of the damage or the number of casualties yet. But, Grant is nowhere to be found, Skye. We’ve combed through the ruins of the facility and we haven’t been able to find him. Either, he was kidnapped or he’s dead. I’m not sugarcoating it for you.”

“Try harder.” she growled, the ground trembling again, but harder this time. “He’s fucking pyrokinetic, there’s no way that an explosion would kill him.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Coulson sighed. He knew that telling the girl would be hard, but it still didn’t prepare him. He was supposed to be an up and coming agent, but he had somehow gotten stuck with being the caretaker of two non-human kids whose powers could tear apart the world if left unchecked. Yes, he loved the both of them dearly, but being their caretaker was often a major pain. Especially now. 

Skye was 14 years old. She was a classified non-human gifted who had been in SHIELD custody since they found her as an infant in China. Alien blood ran in her veins. She had the ability to manipulate vibrational energy of everyday objects, including seismic energy. She had the potential to literally tear the world apart if given the chance. 

Now, Grant was another story. Grant had only been with them for two years. Ever since his powers first tore out of him and caused him to burn his childhood home down with his abusive older brother inside. He had been the second son to an affluent Massachusetts senator and a verbally and physically abusive mother. His older brother had been even worse, forcing him to torture their younger brother. Grant had been sent to a military school in Tennessee, only to steal a car and drive hundreds of miles home where his powers had awakened for the first time. No one knew what the boy was and no one dared to guess. 16 years old and full of burning rage.

Coulson should’ve seen this coming. Outside forces had been after gifteds for years. He believed that SHIELD pushed what little gifted trainees they had a little too far. But, for a training facility to be attacked, he didn’t think it would happen, yet here they were. 

Now, Skye didn’t ever say it, but Coulson knew that the girl was in love with Grant. The two were inseparable and she was the only person that could ever get a smile onto Grant’s face, even when it was rare to get him to show any other emotion than rage or self-deprecating grief. 

Of course Skye would react like this. He was a fool to believe otherwise. 

“I should’ve been there with him.” she said harshly. “I could’ve helped. I could’ve-”

“The attack was out of nowhere, Skye.” Coulson said, cutting her off. “There’s nothing that you could’ve done and you would be missing, too. Agents are still looking for him, Skye. It’s not like we’re giving up. But, the problem is that we don’t know who attacked. There’s a possibility that it was Hydra, but they left behind no identifying markers and surveillance was fried. This wasn’t a random attack. It’s possible that they knew that Grant would be there. He was the only gifted in the facility at the time.”

Skye’s face went pale and the room rumbled once more, “No… He can’t be in Hydra’s hands.” she muttered. “There’s no telling what they’ll do to him. He’s better off dead in that case.”

Coulson pursed his lips,  _ “She’s right.”  _ he thought, watching as the young girl started to zone out. She needed rest. Time to comprehend what had happened. Coulson had been up all night, weariness and grief starting to settle in his bones. 

_ “Grant is indeed better off dead if Hydra got him.”  _ he continued, watching as Skye started to slump down in her chair.  _ “We still haven’t been able to identify what the hell Grant is. Hydra would have a field day with him. If it was them, then they knew he was there. He was the only gifted in the building. This had to be an inside attack and I don’t like it.”  _ He sighed and ran his hands through his hair,  _ “I hate this. I don’t think he’s dead. We would’ve found him by now. Someone took him. The poor boy’s probably scared out of his mind. Skye’s used to SHIELD, Grant isn’t. If he’s alive, he probably thinks we abandoned him or something. _

_ We failed to protect him and now we don’t even know what’s happened to him.” _

* * *

(Fifteen Years Later)

_ “Skye, just a head’s up. That assassin’s been spotted in the area.”  _

Skye scrunched up her nose, as Coulson’s staticy voice crackled in her ear, “Shit.” she spat. “Seriously?” She was perched on top of a building a street over from the suspected Hydra lab. “Now’s not the time to be dealing with an assassin.”

_ “Then, they knew that we were coming. This guy’s been exclusively targeting SHIELD agents for the past three years. Your last run-in left you with a broken arm. Be careful. Avoid those flames.” _

“Sure thing,  _ boss _ .”

_ “You know I don’t like you calling me that, Skye.” _

“You’re still my boss, Coulson. Even if you  _ were  _ my caretaker.” she adjusted the gauntlets around her wrists. “Technically my dad.”

_ “Don’t like that, either.” _

Skye rolled her eyes even though Coulson couldn’t see her, “Fine. I’ve got eyes on the building. It doesn’t look suspicious, despite the massive amounts of energy I can feel coming from underground. Must be an underground lab.”

_ “Wait for the strike teams to get there, Skye. I can’t risk having you go in alone. The problem is that you’re in the middle of a heavily populated area. If you get into a major fight, damage will happen. I don’t even know why they requested you go. Wait, oh yeah. You’re one of our only gifted agents.” _

“Alright, I’ll just stay here and watch. Nothing’s happening as of right now. So, we’re probably good until the strike teams come.”

_ “Good. I don’t need you-”  _

The line suddenly ended in screeching static and Skye yanked the comms piece from her ear with a hiss of pain. She looked down to the piece in her palm, “What the hell?” she asked, putting the piece back in as the static cut out. “Comms shouldn’t be going out like that. Unless-”

“Unless someone cut them out.” 

The vibrations suddenly hit Skye and she looked up to see a cloaked figure standing on the far edge of the rooftop. She stood to her feet and swallowed, her throat growing dry. The nameless Hydra assassin. No one knew who he was. He hid behind a skull-like helmet and a midnight-black uniform, a hood up over his head. Like Coulson had said, he had been targeting SHIELD agents for the past three years. He was a gifted just like her. He left his targets as charred corpses. 

Red eyes glared out from underneath his hood, “I can’t let you continue.” he said, his voice distorted by something in the mask. “You’re an elusive one, Quake. I’ve been tracking you for a long time now.”

“Oh, really? Should I be honored?” Skye asked, flexing her hands at her sides, allowing her power to accumulate in them. “Because I don’t feel that way. Also, Quake? You know that nickname? You don’t have one?”

“I don’t need one. I have no name.”

Skye blinked and frowned, seeing the embers dancing off of him, “Well, you need one, because it’s getting too hard to call you “the assassin”. How about  _ Hellfire? _ Suits a monster like you.”

“Shut up.” he growled. “This isn’t a game.”

“Well, I like to make me being in danger a game. Makes it fun.” She gave him a fake smile. “That’s the SHIELD life, afterall.”

“SHIELD is a disease.” the man said, taking a few steps towards her in order to silence her. “They abandon their own when it’s convenient for them.” He spread his arms out and spread his fingers, embers starting to dance between them. “Hydra showed me the truth. SHIELD left me to die and Hydra gave me new life.”

Skye wrinkled her nose, “Ew.” she stated. “You  _ do  _ realize that Hydra are the bad guys, right?” she asked, studying the man. Something felt familiar about him, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. “God, you must be deluded or something.”

“You’re the deluded one, thinking that SHIELD are the good guys. There is no good vs evil here, Quake. I am merely doing what is right.”

Flames suddenly roared past Skye’s head and Skye rolled to the side, feeling her eyebrow singe. “What? By killing people?” she asked. “Most of the agents you have slaughtered are innocent.”

“No SHIELD agent is innocent. They gave that away the moment they chose to join SHIELD.”

“Funny, you should say the same thing.”

Skye launched a blast towards the man and the man threw up his arms. The blast merely drove him back a bit, digging his feet into the concrete. Skye swallowed as she saw the concrete crack underneath his weight. That blast should’ve knocked him off the roof, yet he stood his ground, completely unscathed, against it. 

Just what the hell was he?

The man suddenly disappeared in a blast of flame and Skye narrowly dodged his fist as he appeared right behind her. “Stay still!” he roared. 

“Yeah, I’d rather not end up dead!” Skye screamed, avoiding a flaming fist. She shot another shockwave this time and it still simply bounced off of him. Skye blinked, seeing that his mask now had a crack in it. Was that all she could do against this monster? No wonder he left destruction in his wake. 

This man was a devil. 

Skye threw up her hands, creating a shield that reflected another blast of flames. She was starting to sweat and it already felt as though she had a sunburn despite that they had only been fighting for a couple of minutes. She reached for the gun holstered on her side, but the man was suddenly behind her and had her arms in his vice-like grip. 

She swallowed as she felt his hands start to heat up against her arms. He leaned in towards her, “Just what I expected from a SHIELD agent. Weak. Even for a gifted.” he whispered in her ear. “I’ll enjoy this kill. You-”

Skye slammed her head back, ignoring the blinding pain she felt as the back of her head connected with the man’s mask. He grunted and stumbled back, letting her go as a shard of the mask dug into his right cheekbone. The crack caused by her earlier blast opened up and shattered, spitting the mask into two. The right half clattered to the ground just as Skye spun around to face him. 

She blinked as she saw the right half of his face, her stomach starting to churn. He wiped at the bleeding gash on his cheek that the mask had caused. Their eyes met and it felt like the air had been knocked right out of her. She knew those eyes. It had been fifteen years, but she knew those whiskey-colored eyes. 

The man must’ve realized that something was wrong because he bent down to pick up the broken part of his mask and was gone just like that. Only embers left in his wake. 

_ “Skye, we have reports of earthquake activity. Is everything okay?”  _ Coulson echoed in her ear. She remained anchored to the ground, unable to move.  _ “What’s going on? Are you okay. Is…” _

She drowned him out, unable to respond. She  _ knew  _ those eyes. But, there was no way. They hadn’t seen him in fifteen years. Not since the training facility incident. They had searched for him for years and had never been able to find a trace of him. She had thought him dead. But, there was something wrong in those eyes. Like he didn’t recognize her. Even though it had been fifteen years, he should’ve realized that it was her. By powers alone. But, it  _ had  _ to be him. 

“Grant?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a little something new to help with my writer's block. This actually just came to me today. I really do hope that you enjoy! Please leave a comment and/or a kudos!


	2. your heart-shaped box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skye tells Coulson who she thinks the assassin is.

(1997)

“Skye?” 

Skye looked up from her magazine, frowning as she saw Coulson approaching. But, there was a boy behind him. She blinked. He looked no older than 14 or 15. He was skinny and had shaggy black hair. He looked at her from over Coulson’s shoulder with a haunted look in his eyes. 

“Who’s that?” she asked, standing to her feet. 

“Skye, I would like you to meet Grant Ward. He’ll be staying with us for the next while.” Coulson answered. “He’s shy and has had a rough past, so please be nice. He’s only two years older than you, so I think you’ll be friends given some time.”

“Staying with us? Is he like me?”

Coulson nodded, “Yes, but not exactly.” he answered. “But, he’s gifted. That’s why he’ll be staying here.” He turned to the boy, “Grant, why don’t you go sit down?” he suggested. “We’ll get you settled into your room later. Get to know Skye some. I have some paperwork I have to fill out regarding your transfer.”

Coulson walked off, leaving Grant standing there with Skye. Skye took a few steps towards the boy, “Hi, I’m Skye.” she stated, her voice soft. The boy’s eyes shot to her, a look in his eyes like he was startled prey. 

“No last name?” he asked, his voice just a little too harsh.

Skye’s face fell and her shoulders sagged, “Oh, no. I don’t have one.” she said. “I’ve been with SHIELD since I was a baby. It’s a long story.” Her eyes trailed over his body, noting numerous scars. Coulson had mentioned that he had a rough past, so Skye knew not to question them. She assumed an abusive home. The look in the boy’s eyes spoke volumes. 

He narrowed his eyes, but didn’t say anything. He walked over to the furthest chair from Skye and plopped down into it. Skye could tell that he wasn’t much of a talker. He leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling. The vibrations that Skye felt from him were strange. Completely different than anyone else in this base. 

He wasn’t human,yet he wasn’t like her, either. 

She swallowed down rising bile, unsure of what to make of the boy. Coulson didn’t say why he was here other than him being gifted. Not even a mention of what powers Grant had. There was so much unknown surrounding the boy and Skye knew that he wouldn’t open up to her anytime soon. 

She wanted to make a friend out of him. Any kid that came to the  _ Lifeline  _ base never stayed long and she never knew what happened to them. But, Coulson had truly never introduced them to her. Was Coulson in charge of Grant, too?

She felt hope swell in her chest as she watched Grant prop his feet up on the table right in front of him and close his eyes. If that were the case, then Grant would probably stay. He wouldn’t be suddenly swept away one day, never to be seen again. SHIELD wasn’t the place to make friends, even for a 12 year old girl. 

“Where are you from?”

Grant frowned and looked at her, cracking open a single eye, “What does that matter?” he asked coldly. 

“Just trying to be nice.”

“Salem.” he replied. “Massachusetts. Happy?”

“I’m from the Hunan Province in China.” Skye replied, sitting back down on the couch that she had been on. “Well, that’s where SHIELD found me. Or so they say. They don’t know much about me other than I have alien DNA in my blood.”

Grant sat up, looking at her with a weird face, “Alien?” he asked. “There’s no such thing as aliens.”

Skye almost laughed at him. “Really?” she asked. “Tell me, what’s the reason why you’re here? Surely it can’t be any weirder than the prospect of damn aliens.”

Grant’s face darkened and he turned away, “Don’t ask me that.” he growled. “I don’t want to even fucking be here. This is all  _ their  _ fault anyways. This wouldn’t be happening if they didn’t ship me off to that damn school.” Skye assumed that he meant his family. “SHIELD should’ve let me in that jail cell. I want to be  _ dead _ .”

Skye’s face fell as Grant shut her out. Now, she knew that she didn’t want to know what had happened to him or what led to him being here. But, yet, a part of her was still curious. But, she knew one thing for sure. 

Coulson’s statement about them “being friends given some time” was a complete and utter lie. At least in her eyes. 

* * *

(Present Day, 2014)

“Coulson, you don’t understand, I  _ swear  _ it was him!”

Coulson gritted his teeth and steepled his hands together, “Skye, this… This is a bold claim to make. Grant went missing fifteen years ago. We never found him or even found a trace of him. We marked him as presumed dead. It’s hard to think that he suddenly just pops up over a decade later as a Hydra assassin murdering SHIELD agents left and right. Plus, it’s been fifteen years. Even if he was alive, he wouldn’t look the same.”

“I know those eyes, Coulson.” Skye protested, a harsh glare in her eyes. “They were the same eyes.”

“Okay, let’s say it  _ was  _ him for the hell of it.” Coulson stated. “Why would he be trying to kill you, Skye? You two were friends. Hell, I think he had a thing for you going on there towards the end.”

Skye shrugged, “He said something about SHIELD being a disease. That they abandon their own when it’s convenient or whatever. He thinks SHIELD is evil and that no agent is innocent.” she explained. “Something about Hydra showing him the truth and giving him new life. Some bullshit like that.”

Coulson’s face fell, “Oh, shit.” he spat, realizing something. He had always feared what would’ve happened to Grant if Hydra had truly been the ones who had attacked, and now his worst fear was coming to life.

“What?”

“I always believed that if he was alive, he probably thought we abandoned him.” Coulson said. “The poor boy had very little trust left in him after what his family did. I believe we were the first two he had put trust in in a very long time. If he thinks we abandoned him after the training facility attack, then that trust was shattered. He already didn’t like SHIELD. If Hydra found him, they could’ve exploited that, turning him against us.” His face started to go pale. “You know what he was, Skye. That boy had demon blood in him. That and the abuse he suffered at the hands of his family created an uncontrollable rage. If Hydra found a way to control that, then…” He trailed off and shook his head, “Then that’s bad news.”

It had taken them a couple of years after Grant’s disappearance to finally figure out what he was. Research with the little biological samples they had from him and extensive family research had helped them come to their conclusion. Grant Ward had demon blood in him. 

They believed that it was due to a deal with a devil his grandfather made decades ago. It had made Grant’s maternal bloodline, the  _ Slades _ , cursed. But, as far as SHIELD could tell, Grant had been the only one of his siblings that had inherited the curse. There were rumors that his mother had been able to see the supernatural, one of the many factors that led to her psychic break. 

Some family stories said that Lillian Ward knew what hid within her son and that’s why she had shown him such scorn and abuse. SHIELD’s studies had concluded that Grant’s body was a conduit for the flames of hell themselves. That curse had given him great strength, speed, and intelligence, but the cost of those  _ blessings  _ was an immense and uncontrollable rage.

In the two years that Coulson had known Grant, he had seen that rage many more times than one. A rage set off by even the smallest of things. Even though it took years for SHIELD to figure out what he was, it didn’t take long for them to find a way to inhibit his powers so he didn’t burn the base down in a bout of anger.

Coulson and Skye had been the only two people that Grant had started to open up to. In the last few months before the incident, Grant never left Skye’s side. What little trust he had was in Coulson and Skye. 

If Grant was led to believe that SHIELD had left him to die in that facility, if Hydra had gotten inside his head and planted lies… That terrified Coulson. If Hydra had managed to turn Grant against SHIELD, then they were fighting against a monster.

But, the assassin had started showing up three years ago. At that time, Grant had been missing for twelve years. Why would Hydra wait that long to send Grant after SHIELD? What had happened to Grant in those twelve years?

What had Hydra done to him?

No… If the nameless assassin really was Grant, then it was much more than Hydra just lying and manipulating him. Brainwashing? Could it be another Winter Soldier type of situation. Grant held a lot of hatred within him, but Coulson didn’t think he would become a senseless killer like this. The assassin had killed upwards of 23 SHIELD agents. Grant may not have been human, but he wasn’t a monster. 

Something was wrong.

“Then we hunt him down and bring him back, right?” Skye asked, her voice a mere croak. “We-”

“We have to approach this carefully, Skye.” Coulson said, cutting her off. “This is a dangerous situation. If it’s Grant… He’s still killed over 20 SHIELD agents. He’s dangerous. You could barely even touch him. And, by the way you made it sound, he had no idea of who you were. It’s been fifteen years, Skye. And if Hydra did do something to him, it’s likely that he doesn’t remember us. They have ways of manipulating memories, making someone remember what Hydra wants them to remember. There’s no telling what he remembers of SHIELD, but it’s clearly not good.

Skye’s face fell and she nodded numbly, “Yeah, you’re right. He was trying to kill me the entire time. If he remembered me, he wouldn’t have been like that.” she said quietly, her shoulders slumped. “This isn’t fair. He’s alive, but gone at the same time.” She looked back at Coulson, “Do we still have that serum that was developed years ago? The one that renders his powers useless?”

Coulson shrugged, “I’ll ask Hill about it when I inform her of the situation. Surely, she would be glad to know that we’ve possibly found a long lost asset.” he answered. “But, the problem would be if we  _ are  _ able to get him back. There is no telling what Hydra did to him, Skye. It’s possible that he’s long gone at this point.”

“No, he still has to be in there, Coulson.” Skye protested, the ground rumbling once again. “We can’t give up on him and call him a lost cause just because you think Hydra’s erased him. He’s gotta be in there somewhere. I just know it.”

Coulson frowned and sighed. Skye had only known Grant for just two years, yet when Grant disappeared it was like she had lost a lifelong friend. But, truly, Grant had been the first that had stayed longer than a few months. Two years with someone was a long time to someone like Skye. 

“I… I know that, Skye. But, it’s been fifteen years, we don’t know what Hydra did to him in that time. If it really is him.” Coulson said softly. “Even if were him, that wasn’t the same kid that we lost. That is a man who is responsible for the murder of twenty plus agents, Skye. He  _ will  _ kill you if this isn’t done carefully.

That isn’t Grant Ward anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reception! It really means a lot! Also, I plan on structuring the chapters with the first half in the past and the second half in the present when possible. It gives a build-up to the day Grant went missing in a more in-depth way. Also, yes Grant is a demon here (playing off the Slade blood), but it will NOT be like my other demon AUs. Grant just has pyrokinetic abilities here. That is all. Any guesses of what's to come? Keep the comments and kudos coming!


	3. you were never enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grant gets scolded for failing his mission.

(1997)

Skye watched in both awe and utter fear as flames spewed from every pore on Grant’s body. It was like someone had turned on a flamethrower. She wrinkled at the smell the flames gave off, a smell like rotten eggs. Sulfur, someone had said. She heard whispers from the classification team that Grant was nowhere near human. He was like her, but nowhere near being like her at the very same time. 

It was a miracle that she was even allowed in here to see this, well being under Coulson’s care definitely helped. A specialized team went through numerous tests to determine the extent of a gifted’s abilities. Grant was nowhere near skilled with his abilities and it was already clear that he could cause serious destruction if he had his way. 

Grant’s flames spiraled out of control and fought to control him. He barely even had an inkling of understanding of them. He was terrified of them and absolutely despised them. Grant had only been here a total of three days and Skye had already heard him say that he wanted to die. 

Skye personally knew the feeling. Her powers had woken up when she was eight. Four years ago. She remembered the fear she felt.

She thought back to the conversation between Coulson and another agent she had heard the day before. 

_ “They don’t want to see him anymore. They think he’s a monster and they don’t even know it wasn’t on purpose. But, we can’t tell them of what he really is. I think they suspect he’s not human, but we can’t make it worse by telling them he developed powers.” _

_ “Then, we make them believe that he’s in jail. They don’t need to know that SHIELD is involved. That’ll only make matters much more complicated than they already are. You know the boy’s father is a senator, he knows about SHIELD. He knows what we do. If he knew that we were involved, then he would know that there is nothing human about his son.” _

_ “Fine, he’s off the record. I’ll contact a juvenile facility back in Massachusetts and have a false file set up in case anyone asks. This is easier, especially since they don’t want to have anything to do with him. They’ve completely abandoned him. Except for his younger siblings. They’re asking where he is.” _

_ “We’ll figure out what to tell them.” _

Skye was torn out of her thoughts as a cry of pain sounded out from Grant. Her eyes flew to him as she saw him collapse to the ground. Agents carefully approached him as his body started to tremble. 

“It… Hurts…” she heard him croak, his voice small and scared. Her stomach fell as she realized that his skin was a bright, angry red. His powers were burning him. 

Honestly, it made sense. She had had her powers for only a couple of years now and she had just not too long ago managed to get it to where they didn’t shatter her bones every time she tried to use them. 

“Look.” she heard Coulson say. “Let’s not push him. He’s just a kid. Remember what used to happen to Skye? It’ll probably take him time to get used to them. We still don’t even know what he is yet. It’s gonna take time.”

“But, we need to finish the cataloging process, Agent Coulson.” one of the agents said as Coulson knelt down to help Grant to his feet. “We just need a little bit more data for today.”

“I said no. I’m in charge of him, remember?” Coulson looked up to the agent, a scowl on his face. “If I say that’s enough for today, then that’s enough for today. The boy just got here three days ago. He’s still adjusting to everything. He’s just a kid. Let him rest for once. I’m sure that he wants to see something other than scientists for once. He’s probably tired and hungry. Let’s call it a day.” 

Skye watched as Coulson gently helped Grant to his feet and she could’ve sworn that the faintest look of gratitude had flashed across Grant’s face before the tired and pained look returned. Coulson looked over to Skye. 

“Skye, come on.” he called, starting to help Grant towards the door. “We’re going to go get these burns looked at before we get something to eat.”

Skye nodded, but paused briefly before following. She noticed the way Grant’s eyes lingered on the hand that Coulson had on his arm. The way how confusion shone in them. She swallowed, realizing one thing. 

It was clear that Grant wasn’t used to a kind touch. 

All he knew were fists and screams. 

All he had ever known was violence. 

And that’s all he would ever know.

* * *

(Present Day)

“How the  _ fuck  _ did you manage to fuck this one up?! You were supposed to kill Quake, not let her go!”

Grant clenched his jaw underneath Garrett’s seething glare, “Things went wrong, sir.” he stated. “I’ll admit that much.”

A muscle twitched underneath Garrett’s eye, “You never let things go wrong.” he growled. “And I’m supposed to make sure it stays that way. That’s the very reason why Hydra made me your handler. You get a mission, you do it right. You don’t let your targets get away.” He frowned, “What happened?” he asked, even though he knew the answer already.

“Sir, I-”

“What. Went Wrong.” Garrett growled. “And don’t lie to me. I don’t like it when you lie to me, Grant.”

Grant swallowed, “It was her, sir. The way she looked at me… It was like she knew me, but I’ve never seen her before in my life.” he stated. “My mask. It broke during the fight and half of my face was exposed. I’ve never let anyone outside of Hydra see my face, John. I don’t know what’s going on.”

Garrett’s face fell even more, if that was even possible. “You let her see your face?!” he screamed, taking a step towards Grant. “Do you realize how much you just fucked up?! She’s back at SHIELD and she knows what you look like. Half of your face is more than enough. You should’ve killed her when you got the chance, Grant. That was your fucking  _ job _ . The very one Hydra trained you to do. After all that Hydra’s done for you, this is how you decide to repay them?”

Grant blinked, shrinking underneath Garrett’s demonic gaze, “Sir, I admit that I fucked up. I let her slip from my hands. It’s just… It’s just I knew that something was wrong. There’s no way that she would know me. Why would a SHIELD target that I’ve never seen before know me, John?” He swallowed, “Before I left, I heard her call me Grant. No one but you calls me that, John.”

“Surely you were hearing things.” Garrett lied. “There’s no way that some SHIELD bitch would know you, Grant.”

_ “This is bad. If we don’t act, he might start to remember. We took those memories from him so we could control him. So we could make him stronger. He thinks that we saved him and that SHIELD abandoned him as a child.”  _ Garrett thought.  _ “But, if he somehow remembers that girl… Then he’ll turn against us. We know that the girl meant the world to him before we took his memories. We tried a different method of brainwashing with him than Hydra did with Barnes back in the day. We manipulated his memories, giving him a false past to make him loyal to us. Having a loyal devil is handy. But, a wrathful one… We don’t need that against us. We need to make him forget today.” _

Grant shook his head, “Still, something’s wrong, John. I’ve never seen her before. I mean, personally. I know who Quake is, but we’ve never met before.” he explained. He narrowed his eyes. He could sense when someone was lying to him and he could feel that from Garrett now. But, this was a skill no one but him knew about. And he had felt for a while that people all around him were lying to him about everything. 

Yes, he hated SHIELD, but something felt wrong about that. He remembered very little about his past other than a violent and abusive family. Hydra told him that SHIELD had picked him up and abandoned him, leaving him to die. But, was that right? He barely remembered that day. 

No, something was wrong.

They were lying. All of them. 

“What are you not telling me, John?”

“What?” The look in Garrett’s eyes was absolutely furious. 

Grant pointed at his handler, “I think you’re lying to me.” he stated. “Something’s wrong here and you know what that is. What are you not telling me?”

“I’m not hiding anything from you, Grant. You’re the one that fucked up, not me.” Garrett hissed. “Now, get your shit together and get to the Training Center, looks like we have more work to do after all. Fucking hell.”

Garrett shoved Grant towards the door, knowing what they had to do.  _ “Grant’s getting suspicious again.”  _ he thought.  _ “Can’t let that continue. I’ll let Edwards know that we need to do yet another wipe on him. If it keeps failing, then we’ll have to dispose of him plain and simple. He’s too much of a threat to be left alive if the wipes stop working. His mind isn’t human. It rewires itself faster than we can prepare for and the memories always come back. We can’t keep doing this. It happens every few months or so.  _

_ If this keeps up, then we’ll have to get rid of him. Once the memories come back, he’ll no long be our weapon. He’ll be a monster turned against us.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a little insight to what Hydra did to Grant. It's kind of the Winter Soldier route, but a little different. Any guesses of what's to come? I'll try my best to update soon, but I'll be honest. I'm already starting to lose my motivation for this fic due to working a lot and a few other reasons. But, I'll try my best. Keep the comments and kudos coming!


	4. broken and bleeding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coulson tells Hill about Skye's suspicions.

(1997, Two Weeks after Grant’s Arrival)

“What the hell are you looking at?”

Skye frowned as Grant slammed his book down and glared at her, flames sparking in his eyes. “What?” she asked. “I’m not looking at anything.” Yeah, she had been looking at him, but she had only just glanced right over at him. God, he was so paranoid, but she assumed that it was for good reason, though. 

“Yes, you are. You’re staring right at me. You should know by now that I don’t like people looking at me. At all.” There was an unsettling growl in Grant’s voice that made him sound way older than he actually was. 

“What? I can’t just look over at you?”

“No, you can’t.” He looked away from her. “I just… I just don’t like anyone looking at me.” His voice grew quiet and strained. “Not since… Not since…” He trailed off and didn’t continue. A far-off gaze started to settle into his eyes. 

“Not since what?”

Grant didn’t respond. 

Skye’s frown grew. Grant always inadvertently gave her tidbits about his past, but never fully elaborated on them. She knew that he didn’t mean to let anything slip. But, she was smart for a 12 year old. She had meant plenty of abused kids at this point and she knew when the smallest things said could mean the nastiest and most gruesome of things for them. All Coulson had told her was that he had a bad home life and not to try and prod anything out of him. 

Now, she didn’t know what Grant actually had meant by ‘not liking anyone looking at him’, but the way his voice had grown small and scared… She shivered. Honestly, she  _ didn’t  _ want to know what he had meant. 

She tore his gaze from him, “Never mind, then.” she muttered, hoping that he wouldn’t hear. “What are you reading?” she asked, looking towards the closed book in his lap. He scowled at her and turned away.

“None of your damn business.” he spat, standing to his feet, “Don’t you ever shut up? I can’t seem to ever get any time just to myself. It’s either you, Coulson, those damn scientists, or some combination. But, it’s never fucking quiet around here.” he asked, walking over and glaring down at her. Something in his eyes unsettled her and bolted her to her seat. 

There was so much rage in those eyes. 

Skye could tell that he had been to literal hell and back many times over. Maybe it was a good thing that he wouldn’t ever tell her what had happened to him. But, it was clear that there was nothing human behind those eyes. 

She had seen plenty of nonhuman kids come through, but no one had ever given her the same feeling that Grant’s stare gave her. His golden brown eyes were like looking into another universe. 

No. They were like looking into  _ hell _ .

If looks could kill, his definitely could several times over. The rage deep within his eyes was completely unparalleled and she hated to know what had created it. 

“What?”

“You’re fucking annoying.” he spat. “I’ve been here three weeks and you never leave me the hell alone.” He sneered at her, “I don’t like too much talking and that’s all you do. Do you even know how to keep your mouth shut?” His eyes sparked and Skye yelped. His sneer grew as he realized that he was scaring her. 

He spun on his heels and left the room, leaving her to herself.

Skye clamped her mouth shut, knowing that she had just made a huge mistake.  _ “God, what crawled up his ass and died?”  _ she thought.  _ “I know he’s been through a lot, but that’s no excuse to be a complete and utter asshole.”  _ She rolled her eyes and leaned back in the seat that she was in. 

_ “And Coulson really expects us to be friends or something. Friends my ass.” _

* * *

(Present Day)

“Look, Coulson, I’m not saying that Skye’s crazy or anything, but do you realize how far-fetched this is?”

Coulson frowned and nodded slowly, looking down at Maria Hill. “Yeah, Maria, I do.” he answered. “I know that it doesn’t make sense on the surface level, but just think about it. It matches up. We know that Hydra attacked that training facility. It’s easy to believe that they took him for their own use. Look what they did to Bucky Barnes. They could’ve easily done that to Grant, too.”

Hill sighed, “Phil, it’s been 15 years.” she said matter of factly. “This assassin has only been showing up just recently. If it’s really Ward, then what have they been doing with him for the past fifteen years? Something isn’t adding up here. Plus, you only have the word of an agent who last saw him when she was fourteen. Things change, Phil. Ward at sixteen would look drastically different than he would at what? Thirty-one?” Her frown grew, “And if it’s him, there’s no telling what Hydra’s done to him. This is likely a lost cause, Phil.”

“No one’s a lost cause!” Coulson snapped. “If it’s him, there’s a chance that he’s still in there somewhere. We don’t know the situation. We don’t know what they’ve done to him. It’s possible that he’s not too far gone.”

Hill chuckled, “God, I wish I had your optimism, Phil, I really do. But, look at the situation. He’s left God knows how many agents dead.” she stated. “They had to really do a hell of a lot to him to make him do such a thing.” She sighed, “But, still, there was always so much rage in that boy’s eyes… It wouldn’t be hard to flip that rage against us. He needed an outlet. It wouldn’t be difficult to turn someone like him into a remorseless killer. Now, if you’re right, I’m sure there’s a little more to it. Probably some minor brainwashing. 

But, Phil, that man literally has demon blood in him.” she continued. “He was wired to be a monster from birth. One wrong move and he blows. Honestly, if it’s him, these actions could be fully his own. But, we don’t know. Phil, you have to approach this situation from both sides. He’s either brainwashed or he’s doing this willingly. It’s been fifteen years. We just don’t know. 

But, you cannot be sending Agent Skye after him. Especially since he’s seen her face. It’s clear that he doesn’t remember her personally, if it is him.” Hill continued. “Also, she’s seen his face. She’ll probably be a target now and it already looks like she could barely even do anything against him. We will deal with this properly, Phil. But, Skye cannot get involved anymore than she already is.” 

“I know that, but try telling that to her, Maria.” Coulson shot back. “I agree with you. Skye doesn’t need to have any part of this. Especially now. But, you know what Grant meant to her towards the end. Yeah, they had a very, very rocky start, but they were good friends there at the end. Hell, you know that she loved him. And now that she believes that the assassin is him, she isn’t going to stop until he’s brought back or at least until we can figure out what the hell is going on. There’s so much we don’t know.”

“Yeah…” Hill drew in a sharp breath and her frown grew even more. “I’ll talk to Fury about this. See what he wants to do before we try doing anything. For the time being, we can do some digging into what’s going on. Surely Hydra has some kind of files on him. But, we don’t know if Grant Ward is even his name anymore. There’s no telling what they’ve taken from him, Phil. 

But, we need to take this seriously.” she continued, standing to her feet. “If this really is Ward, then that’s a major problem. We know what he is, Phil. If Hydra has a literal demon under their control, that’s bad news. Ward was really never  _ for  _ us, so we never saw the extent of his abilities. By the way Agent Skye described his abilities and other reports, he’s far more powerful than he was as a teenager. To be frank, we don’t know how to deal with him. It’s even possible that the power nullification serum we developed for him might not even work. This is a unique situation, if I’m being honest.”

“If it’s really Grant, then I want him back. That boy went through far too much just for him to become a Hydra puppet.” Coulson stated firmly. “Yes, it’s possible that he’s not even brainwashed. But, I don’t think it’s fully him either. They’ve done something to him.”

“Phil, you knew the kid for only two years. I don’t think you ever truly knew him. You remember just how vile he was when he first got to SHIELD.” Hill grimaced. “I’ll be honest, he was a complete and utter asshole. He only really ever lightened up there right at the very end before the incident. I don’t think you ever knew the true him, Phil.”

“No, I didn’t.” Coulson replied. “But, I know that whoever Hydra has him as now isn’t the true him. Like I said, they’ve done something to him. 

And I will get him back before it’s too late.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one was a little more complicated to write for some reason, hence why the update took a while. But, I already have the next chapter started, so that shouldn't take as long. Any guesses of what's to come? Keep the comments and kudos coming!


	5. you haunt me the most

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grant starts questioning the truth.

(1997)

“Grant, why aren’t you paying attention to your tutor?”

“I don’t care about any of this shit. It’s not important.”

Coulson’s lips grew into a thin line. “Grant, it  _ is  _ important.” he stated. “You’re not going to be in this facility for the rest of your life, you know. You’re only in here long enough for you to grow accustomed to those powers so you  _ can  _ live in the real world. And a part of that is making sure that you’re up to date with your education.”

Grant’s nose wrinkled up, “Look, I don’t intend on living that long.” he spat. “I hate it here. I hate how everyone looks at me. Don’t think that I don’t remember what my parents always called me. I  _ want  _ to be dead and you won’t let me.”

Coulson’s face fell and he ran a hand down his face. Yes, Grant had been marked as suicidal by the therapist that he had been seeing the past couple of weeks that he had been here. But, honestly, it did make sense. Grant had lived a hellish childhood. One of nothing but abuse and torture. How could a kid who had faced troubles like that even have the will to live? 

But, Grant was so young. He was only 14. Things could definitely change for the better. Especially if Coulson had his way with things. 

Coulson had been lucky that Skye was always well-spirited. To be honest, he wasn’t prepared to deal with a kid of Grant’s caliber. Or mental state. Most of the kids that came through the facility didn’t have the best of home lives, but Grant was a whole other level. He had never met someone, let alone a kid, with so much rage. Grant was angry at  _ everything _ . 

“Grant, I can’t say that I understand what you went through. I don’t.” Coulson began, looking down at the teenager. “But, you’re in a much better place now. You’ll get the proper care. Proper training. Proper education.” He swallowed, “You’ll never see them again. They think you’re in juvie, Grant. They don’t know about this.”

Grant looked away from him, “That doesn’t matter.” he growled. “You don’t know what it’s like to be a  _ freak _ . To have everyone look at you like you have horns growing out of your head. I don’t like being looked at like that. I’ve always been looked at like I was some kind of monster. You don’t understand. At all.”

“No, I don’t.” Coulson answered simply. “I’ll never understand what you’re going through, Grant. I couldn’t even begin to fathom your pain.” He sighed and sat down next to the boy. “I never could. It would be wrong of me to say that I did.” He frowned as he noticed that Grant had already scooted away from him.

“Stop acting like you care.” Grant spat, refusing to look at the man. “You just want me as a weapon. That’s what the government does with people like me, right? I either end up a weapon or dead. And I much rather prefer the latter.”

Coulson swallowed thickly, unsure of what to say. The kid was hanging on by a  _ very  _ frayed string. One wrong move and he would be lost forever. Grant’s rage could also be manipulated if he fell into the wrong hands. Coulson knew that it wouldn’t be hard to turn the kid into a rage-filled weapon. That’s not what SHIELD wanted from him. Was it? 

He frowned. Coulson wanted the best for the boy. He wanted Grant to overcome his rage before it was too late. They had still yet to figure out just what the hell he was and there was so much unknown surrounding him. They didn’t know what he was capable of. Coulson wanted to turn the boy into a hero before it was too late. 

Before he could fall into the wrong hands.

* * *

(Present Day, Location Unknown)

Grant awoke in a cold sweat, still on the fringes of a nightmare. He looked down to see the sheets of his bed a smoldering ruin. He frowned and waved his hand, causing the cinders to snuff out. “Fuck.” he breathed, bringing his knees towards his chest and running his hands through his sweat-covered hair. 

Now, he couldn’t remember much other than screams from a forgotten past. He had always tried to lock away what his family had done to him. But, he could always hear his mother’s screams and curses in his nightmares. Or it was what SHIELD had done to him. 

Hydra had told him that SHIELD had tried to turn him into a weapon for their own doing and had left him to die when they found that he was too much for them to handle. He remembered medical experimentation, even if, unbeknownst to him, that was nowhere near the actual case. Hydra always ensured that he would never know the truth behind what had happened to him fifteen years ago. 

The nightmares were always the same, but this time they were different. 

He remembered a girl this time. Long, brown hair and bright, brown eyes full of defiance. Maybe about fourteen or so. He had never seen her before. Or so he thought. The image of the girl in his nightmare had quickly morphed into the agent he had fought the other day. The one that he had sworn had a look of recognition in her eyes. No, that couldn’t be right. Flames burned underneath his skin. He didn’t know her, so why would he be seeing a younger version of her in his nightmares?

Bile started to creep its way up his throat. No, that wasn’t right. He didn’t know her. He had never seen her before. Or had he? 

His head started to hurt, a slow thob beginning at the base of his skull. He pressed his palms to his eyes. None of it made sense, but maybe that was why Garrett had been so damn defensive when he had pressed about the woman. It had only been a day since the fight and Garrett refused to talk to him about it. Said that they were going back to the Training Center tomorrow; they had gotten delayed by another matter. And Grant hadn’t liked how Garrett’s voice had sounded then. 

Something was wrong. Garrett was hiding something from him and he  _ knew  _ that it was about the woman from the day before. 

Fire burned in his lungs as his headache continued to grow. There were many things about his past that didn’t add up to him. He didn’t remember what had happened to him at SHIELD. Hydra had simply said that they had abandoned him and had left him to die after they had deemed him uncontrollable and useless. And he had believed that for over a decade. He had become a weapon for Hydra all because of what they had told him. Not because of what he remembered. 

No, something was wrong. He  _ knew  _ that Garrett was lying to him. Hell,  _ all  _ of them were lying to him. He knew that they had taken something precious from him, twisting that nonexistence to their advantage to turn them into their own personal nonhuman weapon. 

He pulled his hands away from his face and looked down at them. How much blood had he spilled in the name of Hydra? How much blood had he spilled all because they told him he should hate SHIELD for something he didn’t even remember? He knew that there had to be at least two dozen lives worth of blood permanently staining his skin. All for what? All because Hydra had pointed a finger and had told him to?

No, that wasn’t right. He hated SHIELD. He hated them for leaving him to die. But… But, why didn’t he remember that? Shouldn’t he remember something like that? And why had Quake recognized him, but he had no damn clue to who she was? There was so much that he didn’t remember. 

But, he knew that Garrett was lying. Something was wrong. Maybe he  _ did  _ know the woman. And maybe Hydra was keeping the truth from him.

That question lingered, making him sick. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to run. 

How much had Hydra taken from him?

And what was the truth? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the wait on this, but I am, unfortunately, starting to lose my motivation with writing, so this was hard to put together. But, we get another little glimpse at young Grant and it seems that present day Grant is starting to question things already. But, how long until Hydra takes that away from him again? Keep the comments and kudos coming!

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something new! Find me on tumblr @grantwrd and on twitter @hellfxres!


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